random, useless facts about napoleon bonaparte, emperor of the french
- as a smol he wanted a big moustache and he would ask the soldiers at corsica how they got theirs and one of the grenadiers made a big fake one for him that covered half of his face aND HE LOVE D IT
- also would constantly attend the drills of the french garrison at corsica and once challenged one of the grenadiers to fight
- was bullied at military school bc he corsican and they called him la paille-au-nez
- constantly pinched everyone in the ear
- hated leapfrog so much
- once isabey mistook him for a friend at night and was a huge fan of leapfrog so he tried to jump over napoleon who didnt expect it and fell on the floor before chasing the poor guy all the way back to josephines apartment
- once napoleon and josie started making out in a carriage and probably more sinful stuff and PEOPLE GOT SO EMBARASSED
- also lmao during their wedding night her dog bit him in his leg and he would hate small dogs for the rest of his life
- would cheat at card games - his fave was vingt-et-un aka blackjack bc it was easy to cheat
- his mom called him out on cheating and then he would say “madame you are rich but i’m poor i need to earn money.” would always pay back the stuff he won when he cheated tho
- kinkshamed marshal bessieres for reading a romantic novel but wrote a romantic novel , clisson et eugenie during his emo phase
- splashed a lot in bath
- loved to wear a red madras handkerchief around his head
- in egypt he tried to dress up in oriental clothing but everyone mocked him and he never did it again
- couldnt keep a tune AT ALL but had the random habit of launching into a marching song at the weirdest moments
- made a bunch of horrible puns on the fact cambacérès was gay
- was actually pretty gay for tsar alexander himself like “i’d make him my lover if he were a woman” and im sure theres even more stuff also 19th century fanart
- called his best diplomat shit in silk stockings
- would have his son the lil king of rome in one arm while he worked and play with him
- made faces at naps ii
- also loved beans so much he tried to get his son to like them as well and ended up rubbing the kid’s face with mashed beans
- gave his son his hat and his sword and let him run around with it he was thREE
- gave the gazelles at malmaison tobacco
- liked to take potshots at josephine’s swans - she would scold him
- once tried to teach marie-louise of austria how to make an omelette but turned out she could do it better than him
- had sO MANY CARRIAGE ACCIDENTS like literally one time the only way to get him out was to toss him out of the door like “a piece of luggage”
- loved to tell corsican ghost stories
- never was able to speak french properly and kept making grammar mistakes
- his handwriting was SO ILLEGIBLE
- napoleon wasnt really interested in art he would just ask after the name and then stare impassively at it
- had all the chairs removed at longwood bc he didnt want hudson lowe to be able to sit
- once he didnt want to see ppl at st helena so he jumped over a fence but he got stuck and fell with his butt into a cactus
