inaccuracy rant (singles): each competitor is presented with a wildly inaccurate portrayal of their area of history. whoever goes on the longest, most seething rage-filled rant wins. inarticulate screaming and wailing are only permitted in 5-second intervals
inaccuracy rant (doubles): similar to the singles version, except that two historians rant together and must augment each other’s rage back and forth for as long as they can
historical weeping: each competitor goes into a fit of tears at the thought of the lives that have been lost, the artifacts we will never have, and the struggles of people who lived so long before us but were so much like us. whoever is last to regain their composure wins
endurance consulting: each competitor is assigned a team working on a historical movie for which they are to be the historical consultant. whoever manages to keep their cool the longest and not quit in a fit of historian rage wins
research race: competitors race against each other on foot to see who can reach a book that is in high demand but has low supply in the library. whoever gets to the book and checks it out first wins
historian catwalk: competitors walk down a catwalk and are judged on how well they pull off the historian vibe, based on factors such as amount of books carried, level of distant, wistful historian gaze, and tweed ratio. whoever looks and acts the most like a historian in a mediocre movie wins
